March 19, 2012

What Next

As I float through my final months of college, the question of "what next" seems to plague daily conversation. Good-meaning people and their curiosities instantly and always make me uncertain. Of course, their intentions aren't to set this over-planning brain into panic mode but that's exactly what occurs. And so, I shrug and give a little chuckle and assure them, as well as myself, that God will direct me and that even though I don't really know where I'm going or what I'm doing, it'll all be okay.

God has not called us to know it all. That's right. This life isn't some quest on the search for omniscience. It is however, a journey of trust and reliance upon the One who understands, realizes, and created the road ahead. As simple as this sounds, the whole unsure part is really hard to swallow.

My grandfather once asked me as a teenager what I planned on doing with my life. As a teen who already had the propensity to plan, this left me fumbling for the right answer, or the one that made the most sense. He just smiled and shrugged, "Don't worry about it, I don't even know what I want to do." This boggled my brain. This man with graying hair and the best grandpa beard ever, this late in his life, was still unsure?

Now I have come to realize that everyone's unsure. The book of James tells us that we have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Therefore, the only day I truly need to worry about

Today, I will finish my coffee, go to class, mull over the sweetness of finding a flower planted last spring sprout up, ponder on John 20 and Psalm 40, and enjoy the beautiful spring atmosphere that my God has created (with a lot of sneezing and itching eyes, unfortunately).

God's teaching me. It's hard sometimes and the majority of the lessons seem to be pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Still, He's teaching me nonetheless, and it's so so good to know that all my uncertainty can rest in the hands of the All-knowing.

"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands." -  Elisabeth Elliot

"Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is." – Amy Carmichael

March 1, 2012


Sometimes there are no words. Which would explain why the posts on this blog have been so few and far between. See, when I write on here, I so desperately want to say something from my heart, to transfer a little piece of me into words.

Lately though, every free second my mind is not thinking on school, best friends getting married, and college graduation, my thoughts have been clouded with only one thing. I cannot write about it, because it still tugs at me with a weird intensity and a dull ache of uncertainty and unwillingness. It's a sort of secret battle of the wills going on between this confused child and her heavenly Father.

As the Lord and I work to sort me out, I'm not sure for the moment. Well, that's not true, I am sure, just...uncertain, if that can possibly make any sense.

Therefore, until I can find words to say, I'll share Words from the One who says it best.