Weeds and Me

Some days I don't even recognize myself.

What happened to that semi-confident, self-sufficient girl I used to be in college?

These days, I feel anxiety well up inside of me every time I am faced with another health issue. I have a mini panic attack in the middle of an overly-crowded Saturday morning Sam's club. I cry on my walk home after being the recipient of sarcastic condemnation at a luncheon I didn't want to go to in the first place. Often times, I'd like to lock myself in a quiet closet after a day of consistent bickering from two tired kiddos (that I love to death, by the way). It feels as if a strong wind of any sort might carry my frail self off and drown me in its circumstance. It's like I've become out of practice being myself. I find myself shocked at who I've become. The hidden things of my personality I used to trample down have begun to overwhelm. Sort of like dandelions choking out a perfectly pruned yard.

But I know that God is using these times to shape me. To bring all those faults and failures to the surface so He can change them. Instead of burying them, if I give myself over to the Potter, He can mold me, slowly, painfully, into an image more like Christ. Amidst all those anxieties and worries that threaten to undo me, He has offered, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." That is a rest that wraps around a soul like a warm blanket. It is a peace that passes all understanding to keep both the heart and the mind at ease.

How very thankful I am for a loving, patient Saviour. He has promised grace sufficient. Blessed is our God, He gives power to the powerless and strength to the weak.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren." - Romans 8:28-29

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." - Ephesians 3:16-20

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 2:21-23

These verses are a great encouragement to me along the way. Even when I get frustrated at myself for whatever reason, peace comes from knowing God is in control and He is perfectly capable of changing me into who He has for me to be if I will only let Him. God can pull out even the most stubborn "weeds" in my life, and for that, I will praise Him!

Stay thankful, be rejoicing, and ever looking to the Saviour, my friends!

Wait

I stumbled across this poem just today. It fit so well into what has been going on in my life and it brought conviction. How impatient I am when I surely should be trusting only on God! I don't know who wrote it originally but it definitely is worth reading! "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." - Psalm 27:14

                                                 

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

- Author Unkown

Plans and Rejoicings

Just thought I'd give a brief update on everything that has been going on as of late!

Winter continues on here in Wyoming, though the past week has brought some welcomed warmer weather!

Russ and I should have something up and running in the next few weeks to inform everyone about our upcoming survey trip planned for this August. Lord-willing, we will fly into Stavanger, Norway in mid-August and stay through mid-September. During that time, we plan to gain information from veteran missionaries and also travel around the country. Our goal is to zero in on exactly where in the country the Lord would have us to begin our ministry down the road! Please pray for the logistics, the finances, and also for guidance for this trip! We are so excited about it already! We will be attending Missionary Training School through Points North Baptist Mission the week before we head out.

Also in the month of August, we will be pulling out with a tiny trailer in tow to move from Wyoming back to Ohio. While we are sad to leave such a beautiful state, we know that God would have us to be in a more central location as we start deputation (Lord-willing!) at the end of this year. We will be looking for employment and housing as soon as we return back from our survey trip. We know this is what the Lord has for us so we trust Him to provide as we take this leap of faith.

At the present, we are just plugging away with work and church ministries.We have many things to work on and prepare and we pray for the discipline and resources to get everything finished!

The Lord has been so very good to us. He continues to meet and provide not only our needs but also above and beyond. A thought has recently lodged itself into my mind as of late and it has been both an encouragement and also a challenge. "A rejoicing heart will never produce complaining speech."I pray the Lord will continue to help me see the blessing He has bestowed and not to dwell on the things that lack.

Stay encouraged!