Some days I don't even recognize myself.
What happened to that semi-confident, self-sufficient girl I used to be in college?
These days, I feel anxiety well up inside of me every time I am faced with another health issue. I have a mini panic attack in the middle of an overly-crowded Saturday morning Sam's club. I cry on my walk home after being the recipient of sarcastic condemnation at a luncheon I didn't want to go to in the first place. Often times, I'd like to lock myself in a quiet closet after a day of consistent bickering from two tired kiddos (that I love to death, by the way). It feels as if a strong wind of any sort might carry my frail self off and drown me in its circumstance. It's like I've become out of practice being myself. I find myself shocked at who I've become. The hidden things of my personality I used to trample down have begun to overwhelm. Sort of like dandelions choking out a perfectly pruned yard.
But I know that God is using these times to shape me. To bring all those faults and failures to the surface so He can change them. Instead of burying them, if I give myself over to the Potter, He can mold me, slowly, painfully, into an image more like Christ. Amidst all those anxieties and worries that threaten to undo me, He has offered, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." That is a rest that wraps around a soul like a warm blanket. It is a peace that passes all understanding to keep both the heart and the mind at ease.
How very thankful I am for a loving, patient Saviour. He has promised grace sufficient. Blessed is our God, He gives power to the powerless and strength to the weak.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren." - Romans 8:28-29
"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." - Ephesians 3:16-20
"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 2:21-23
These verses are a great encouragement to me along the way. Even when I
get frustrated at myself for whatever reason, peace comes from knowing
God is in control and He is perfectly capable of changing me into who He
has for me to be if I will only let Him. God can pull out even the most stubborn "weeds" in my life, and for that, I will praise Him!
Stay thankful, be rejoicing, and ever looking to the Saviour, my friends!
